Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Dick Cheney's Dentist (?!!?)


Today was supposed to be a routine cleaning. 6 months ago I had a bridge put in to cover a chasm where a root canal had gone bad years before. This was at a urban-loungey clinic off of Dupont Circle. My insurance changed so I had to find a new dentist. What I encountered was a whole other level of DDS.

First, digital Xrays were taken, the film was attached via usb cord to a laptop, newness there, I'm still waiting for them to email me the xrays.
Next, I put on the big Miles Davis glasses and a cheek spreader and William Burke goes to work. He's hooking and picking and high power-spraying.
I've been through rough dentists and gentle dentist. One was a guy in his 70s with very soft hands who when cleaning my teeth would rotate the brush 1 1/2 times per tooth. I'd insist, get in there man, I've got plenty of enamel! This man Burke wasn't playing around.
With my cheeks spread like a crab's stomach he sprayed at will, eventually I could detect when he finally moved on to the minty stuff. Then he proceeded to press his hook along the gumline front and back of every tooth while dictating numbers to his assistant. I was writhing heavily at this point and trying to stay slack in the seat.
Turns out I have 2 or 3 fillings gone bad and swollen gums that might require periodontal surgery.
At least I got some sobering advice and a nice goody bag of floss and coupons, along with a referral for my potential surgeon. I ain't gonna faint, brothers and sisters!

I thought all this time how on top of this guy was, and since it's close to the White House I figured this guy might have some important clients. This would be the guy Dick Cheney would entrust, so he can go on biting the heads off of alligators, goats, kittens and the young offspring of the common homo-sapien-bluestaticus.

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Monday, June 11, 2007

Banjo Player Sought In Hootenanny Spree

Banjo Player Sought In Hootenanny Spree

The Onion

Banjo Player Sought In Hootenanny Spree

BOSTON—"These constant hootenannings must stop," said Mayor Menino, a staunch critic since Faneuil Hall's doors were forcibly removed and used as a dancing surface.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

The Masked Debator: Running on his own ticket



It's not all fun and lesbians on this blog. We do follow politics as well as entertainment (its all the same, ain't it?) So while we warmed up for the penultimate Sopranos episode with a little gabbaghool, we took in the Democratic debate, live from New Hampshire. Many of our friends are there covering it, so it was only right that we share their pain.

We as Americans like these game show formats, preferring to eat our candidates in small bite size portions. We also like ratings, so I will offer to you my public my rating of these ah...talking torsos.

Like-ability Factor/ Presidentiality Factor
Know what that means? Neither do I. From what I recall from the stage set-up, we go left to right, that is stage right to left.
By the way, I won't bother stating the candidates policies, voting history, stands on abortion, etc. I'm not a journalist and I'm no fact hugger. Just going on gut feeling and degree of warmth emanating from TV.

Mike Gravel: 7/2
Spontaneously spouty, yet laid back enough not to hog the air with what little he was offered. Liked how he sat back in his chair, satisfied with his VA benefits, then leaned forward to rip into Obama. Certainly doesn't take himself that seriously, so why should we?

Chris Dodd: 4/3
Rather typical political type that is good at ranting and railing about the problems the questioner poses, but thin on the actual projected answer he would have to such problems. Perhaps his appearance on the Daily Show was his only chance to look like a plausable alternative, and to plug a book noone will read.

John Edwards: 3/6
Divisive, derisive nitpicky rabble rouser. I can see him making alliances with some very powerful groups and having just enough charisma and charm to get over very impressionable voters. But I can imagine him as president gaining serious enemies in serious hurry. That's all we need is another president on an island, convinced he is right when the whole country is thinking in another direction.

Hillary Clinton: 7/9
Very polished, very chin-tastic. She's had a lot to answer for with her past: voting for the Iraq war, the failure of her universal health care plan under #42. She defends her stands well, never with a conclusive Yes/No but an expansive clear dictum. The voice is nasal and flat, but familiar and comfort inducing, to the point where you might just accept the policies like a good robot. I see the future and it has breasts.

Barack Obama: 8/6
It is admirable at this point to have an Afro-American candidate with a legitimate shot for presidency. Granted, Barack is a neophyte, his camp has put forth some proposals, mainly health care. Overall I feel his campaign is built on the vacuum of lowered expectations, thanks to the incumbent, but this time around may be just a test. Try again in 2016, and keep your nose clean, although I suspect it is already. I meant articulate!!!!!

Bill Richardson: 8/5
I have been hearing how qualified a candidate he is and was looking forward to a good showing tonight. didn't happen. Slow, dull, slower, sullen. kept droning on while moderator Wolf Blitzer tried to move on to the next question.

Joe Biden: 6/7
Another guy with alot to answer for, being one of the prime movers in the Senate, if anyone can explain the process of litigious red tape, with an iota of candor and charm, Biden can do it. But that might make him the bad guy in the liberal's eye.
He has got his diarreah of the mouth under control, but he did bring his flame thrower.

Dennis Kuchinich: 6/4
Can we possibly have a president that doesn't eat meat? It would certainly make State Dinners rather dull and cheezy. This little guy cutting the budgets of Homeland Security and Defense, trying to recreate a pre-911 world makes me nervous.
He may like like a little mouse, but he is the only HARD LEFTY in the bunch. Anti-war all the way, this guy could have been in the Weather Underground. Radical professor!