Dick Cheney's Dentist (?!!?)

Today was supposed to be a routine cleaning. 6 months ago I had a bridge put in to cover a chasm where a root canal had gone bad years before. This was at a urban-loungey clinic off of Dupont Circle. My insurance changed so I had to find a new dentist. What I encountered was a whole other level of DDS.

First, digital Xrays were taken, the film was attached via usb cord to a laptop, newness there, I'm still waiting for them to email me the xrays.
Next, I put on the big Miles Davis glasses and a cheek spreader and William Burke goes to work. He's hooking and picking and high power-spraying.
I've been through rough dentists and gentle dentist. One was a guy in his 70s with very soft hands who when cleaning my teeth would rotate the brush 1 1/2 times per tooth. I'd insist, get in there man, I've got plenty of enamel! This man Burke wasn't playing around.
With my cheeks spread like a crab's stomach he sprayed at will, eventually I could detect when he finally moved on to the minty stuff. Then he proceeded to press his hook along the gumline front and back of every tooth while dictating numbers to his assistant. I was writhing heavily at this point and trying to stay slack in the seat.
Turns out I have 2 or 3 fillings gone bad and swollen gums that might require periodontal surgery.
At least I got some sobering advice and a nice goody bag of floss and coupons, along with a referral for my potential surgeon. I ain't gonna faint, brothers and sisters!

I thought all this time how on top of this guy was, and since it's close to the White House I figured this guy might have some important clients. This would be the guy Dick Cheney would entrust, so he can go on biting the heads off of alligators, goats, kittens and the young offspring of the common homo-sapien-bluestaticus.