Wonka was Wack, sorry Charlie!

My main beef right off the bat is this___________
___________________
You know what that is? That's dead space, dead frickin' air. Fill in the blank. You have producers who pay
the director to pay actors to ACT!
Now I am on this planet, always have lived in a major city, so I know what irony is. Irony is everywhere, as suburban attitudes affect the inner city mentality as well, we all have to live somewhere. Most suburbanites cannot picture living in town to the point that they think people that do are weird, how they could not picture having a 2 car garage, and 2.5 cars to fill it with. What am trying to establish is the analogy between weird and ironic.
But never mind the whys of why this film is bad. Lets get into the particulars, as yes you must compare it to the 1971 version. It's the same story, the same characters, some of the same dialogue. The overall feel of this film experience is flat and joyless with a hint of perverse smarm. How many times can you put up a lame piece of dialogue for the very talented and charismatic Johnny Depp to read and you get a Milk Dud back and more actors stare back in hipster amazement? These actors, their talent not withstanding do doubt auditioned hard and spent hours in the makeup chair, only to shine for a very brief moment when they get to express their characters'...motivation (?@)
But the focus is all on Depp and oh what a wonderfully lovable weird character he's supposed to be. Well, lovable only in Charlie's eyes. Tim Burton is a pretty weird looking guy himself, does he think it's funny when people stare at hi whenever he says something? What if an AD stared at him like a Klingon when asked to adjust a light or get him coffee? He's be fired! The only reasoning for this logic could be the typical projection that goes on between a director and his favorite actor, who represents an idealized version of the director himself. It worked for Orson Welles and...Orson Welles, it worked for Hitchcock and Cary Grant, though the dissimilarity is most apparent, it worked for David Cronenberg and every skinny white Canadian he's ever worked with. Maybe it's to poke fun at himself, for directors surely need that. To quote Francis Coppola "I think the film director is one of the last truly dictatorial positions in society today". And thus it's those guys who truly have tasted success that go on to make films that are truly out of touch with their audience. Maybe you just want to please the mall audiences that will chew and chuck their popcorn and mimic their annoying mirror images on screen ala Mike Teavee and Violet Beauregarde. But I am a film fan and intellectual who writes long rambling online reviews....someone kill me!......and I've seen the original and it's great and want this movie to be good, or at least worthwhile...watchable...anything....

What a waste of time and resources. for every second of irony-stupefecated silence gawking at WW is time that could have been spent exploring the individual characters. Not that I needed to see more about their lives, but they're on the tour, give em a shot to say something witty, something original for Chrissakes. The whole mumbling bit, repeated by Wonka to Teavee is just hostile. The makeup of Violet B. and her mom is is the only improvement from the original I think. Between her and Teavee you truly get an illustration of what the suburbs produce, hackers and fitness gurus, TV junkies and snipey Caucasians. Veruca Salt this time, is ultimately played with some subtlety, but I preferred the manic unrelenting sledgehammer that was the original girl. A rare role for the great James Fox (see Performance, peole!) goes largely wasted, as Mr. Salt, for all secondary roles are relegated to gawking and sighing in resignation. "Am I the only sane person here?" he thinks. Augustus Gloop is just a joyless,unfortunate and scary sight. You at least feel good for him in the end as he walks out saying he tastes good. At least he has some self-esteem.
The irony spreads, even to Charlie Bucket's family. Kudos to the set designers for making their abode incredibly crappy, that works. The relatives in bed are given some catch-phrases to work with, but they too are not immune to gawking with impunity as the candy-crazed drama plays out. Charlie's parents are the only ones who have an excuse not to overact, or what passes for emoting here. They simply work hard and are too tired for active parenting. BTW it's a surprise to see Helena Bonham Carter here, due to her propensity for breaking up her directors marriages including Burton and Lisa Marie.
Yo...how does that happen?
and Yo....where's Charlie's paper route?
And yo....who blew the budget so wide open they could only afford one Oompah Loompah and simply CG'd the rest. Again, another example of this version's lack of soul.

Now Johnny Depp. He's a fine actor, he's right for the part, but not everything he's capable of can turn around a bad script and a director in a slump. Oh why do directors give in to ironic staring and DADDY COMPLEXES! Every damn movie I see has the main charactor fighting through endless melancholy from a bad relationship with their father. Actually this one is well realized, the whole thing with Dad Denist Christopher Lee, always welcome, a Burton stalwart. But to have this infect Willy Wonka, in the current context of Michael Jackson-isms lingering too near the surface and too near the children, it's just too damn creepy to even go there.
All in all with the extra details chucked in, it's all tied together rather quickly at the end. You know the Bucket's integrity will never be questioned so you don't need the Fizzy Lifting Drink episode. So the weird Wonka and the bewildered Bucket are in business together. I give 'em 10 years before Charlie wises up, has Wonka committed to an asylum and sells his stock in the company to Mr. Salt. It's just business.